I was going to be a rock God. Kurt Cobain was down with me. I had a contract on a major label. I was THIS CLOSE to getting Paula Abdul's phone number. And then before you knew it, Kurt stopped returning our calls, we couldn't get a slot in Lollafuckingpalooza, our drummer started smoking nutmeg and it hit me like a concert amplifier: I need to get a real job!
Well fuck that, man. I can get by on my rep. I can put Kurt on my resume as a reference. Who wouldn't hire me?? I was in the fucking Meat Puppets! I had a crew of roadies and at least 3 or 4 groupies at any show we played.
Why, then, was I kicked out of my apartment? Why can't a Meat Puppet pay half-price for a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's?? High school kids these days are fucking clueless, man. They don't realize Creed or Burnt or Raver Boyz or whatever those fuckers are listening to is just a bad copycat of the Nirvana/Meat Puppets sound. I bet you could pick out some random little prick riding his bike and ask him, "Have you heard of the Meat Puppets?", and he'd be like "What? Is that some kind of circus act or something?" Seriously!!!!!!!
So what if I sleep on a bench and Courtney Love pretends she doesn't know me? All I own is a blue pillow and a stonewashed denim jacket, but I was in the Meat Puppets, and that's more important than material wealth.
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13 comments:
Is Meat Puppet a metaphor for a dog's lipstick?
Is a meat puppet what max slides into his vaginal cavity?
Dear Meat Puppet Dude,
I'm cool with you making fun of most things, but what the fuck's up with dissing Raver Boyz? That is COMPLETE bullshit. If you don't apologize ASAP, I'm gonna track you down and turn you into a Ground Meat Puppet, you dig?
Sincerely,
The Rhetorical Letter Writer
come, on, maxipad, right, one, off, your, widdy, fuckin, cumbacks. I, even, gave, you, sum, ammo.
I like to heckle bloggers. You'll know me by my bad spelling and comma usage. My name is....well, it's anonymous. My daughter's name is Ralph. I'm looking for a single girl in her early twenties with a DANCER'S BODY.
YES, MAXMILLION IS GENUIS. THATS WHY THAT FUCKER BLOGS HIS GODDAMN ASS OFF FOR YOU!!!! I DIG GRAVES! NEVER FORGET THAT!
You're gonna die mothafuckaaaaaa!
(sniff) Since I was in kindergarten, all i've ever wanted to do was BLOG, and you're tearing my dream apart.
Every time you snuck into my room... a little piece of me died.
If you ever need to get a hold of max just go down to the elementry school when it lets out. he likes colored 10 year old boys.
Max has a piece of re-bar stashed in his sweats. At least that's what it felt like...
WATCH OUT FOR MY ERRECTION. IT'S SO FUCKING HARD AND ERRECT.
I want to date you from BEHIND.
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