Saturday, June 11, 2005

Scientist Proves Inanimate Objects Can Indeed Appear ‘Gay’


toilet-paper
Originally uploaded by drippingmullet.
It all began when bio-chemist Moller Beardsley overheard two young men arguing over the ‘gayness’ of one of the men’s t-shirts. “It’s got gay written all over it,” proclaimed one hip looking youth with spiky hair and dark worn out looking jeans. The other youth, a carbon copy of the first save the form fitting salmon colored t-shirt he wore seemed perplexed by the other’s accusations. “No way!” He cried, pointing to his garment proudly. “I’ve had this shirt since 8th grade!”
Beardsley, his interest piqued by the exchange, began a series of double-blind, placebo controlled experiments with hopes of once and for all proving homosexuality in inanimate object’s such as clothes, books, music CD’s and hair care products. ‘Gayness’ being rated on a generalized scale of 1 to 10 is assigned to those products that have the highest correlation to their proximity and influence over homosexual acts in humans within a fifteen foot radius. Conclusive findings show that an increased level of ‘gayness’ is found in items such as poly-silk blend fabrics, lotions containing flax seed oil, Susan Sarandon films and toilet paper.

1 comment:

gaygay said...

This is the gayest article ever. Your homophobia has blinded you to the fact that, in fact, everything is gay. You are, I am, your mother is. Nature says we're gay, society and religion try to tell us we're not. The Spartans knew.