Saturday, June 11, 2005
Scientist Proves Inanimate Objects Can Indeed Appear ‘Gay’
Beardsley, his interest piqued by the exchange, began a series of double-blind, placebo controlled experiments with hopes of once and for all proving homosexuality in inanimate object’s such as clothes, books, music CD’s and hair care products. ‘Gayness’ being rated on a generalized scale of 1 to 10 is assigned to those products that have the highest correlation to their proximity and influence over homosexual acts in humans within a fifteen foot radius. Conclusive findings show that an increased level of ‘gayness’ is found in items such as poly-silk blend fabrics, lotions containing flax seed oil, Susan Sarandon films and toilet paper.