Rich Bitches Pet Dog; Ignore Human

what the fuck
Originally uploaded by drippingmullet.

When Britt Galveston and Lexi Comstock decided to spend an afternoon shoe shopping the idea that they might actually come into close proximity to filthy man with black toenails was the furthest thing from their minds. Little did they know that their shopping adventure would lead them so close to the bowels of humanity still just a stone’s throw of their beloved Banana Republic.
Shopping downtown was initially Lexi’s plan, her idea of a great stress reliever from the rigors of being a stay at home housewife. With no kids and an overactive Latin housekeeper, she finds the monotony of suburban life in the high-end Glowing Pond housing community a bit of a yawn. Prodding Britt into an all day spend-a-thon was no big chore as the equally unencumbered mother of none spends most of her time shopping on Ebay for cute flip-flops and tennis skirts. Their husbands always away working, the two hopped into Lexi’s twelve passenger Ford Excursion for the fifteen minute drive into the heart of downtown’s shopping district. Three hours, five stores and an economy car’s value in trinkets left them in search of a quick bite to eat and maybe a few drinks too. Spying Kaktus, the new Tex-Mex bistro nestled in between a Starbucks and the GameStop, they knew their lunch would be a smash. An ignored appetizer, some weird salsa coated burrito-thingies and five Lemondrops later, the two were loudly swapping dirty stories from the Phi Beta Gamma sleeping porch and giggling at the two fat ‘housewives’ sitting at the next table. “Remember the night Kelly Rhodsinski took too many laxatives and shit in her bed?” Lexi cackled pointing disgustedly at the woman at the next table who (despite being a good fifteen pounds overweight) seemed to be eating her lunch. “That girl was always trying to lose weight. Why didn’t she just give up?” Britt replied with a chuckle. Another Lemondrop each landed the two on the sidewalk, a bit unstable but totally satisfied that they withheld the waiter’s tip because Britt’s burrito-thingy looked overcooked. Feeling a little tipsy and laughing full volume at ugly people walking by, the two spied a homeless man named ‘Bucket’ with his pet bulldog. Cooing loudly and making baby noises the girls squatted in wholly unladylike fashion before the man who hadn’t eaten a full meal in five days and began petting his mangy dog. Bucket, who’d spent the night sleeping on exhaust vent at the Pioneer building on 6th street, stared tiredly at the ground wondering if either of the women might give him a quarter or two. He needed a drink badly and his hands had begun to shake again. Meanwhile Britt thrust her camera into the hands of a harried looking old woman as she made her way past and demanded that the woman ‘catch them in a picture real quick.’ Lexi and Britt laughed most of the way home, except when a cop drove behind them for a while and Lexi was sure she was going to get nailed for DUI. Bucket wandered off after a while and stepped on broken glass while trying to take a shit behind a dumpster. The cut infected and because of the ensuing infection the doctors at the veteran’s hospital had to cut the leg off at the knee. That night Britt was trying to upload the picture of her, Lexi and the dog onto the computer and found a large cache of pornography depicting extremely young looking teenage girls. Lexi hasn’t eaten more than 500 calories in a day since then. Britt’s doctor found polyps in her colon.