Saturday, August 27, 2005

This Halloween, Make it Happen with Robes

Robes Win Every Time
Originally uploaded by Jorge Ragtime.
Halloween is only about 2 months away, so it's important to go over the rules for costumes. The photo you see on the right is a very good illustration of the do's and don't's, let's review:

DO: If you're a chick, including sexual toys as part of your costume is always a plus. It reminds guys of sex, and sex is good.

DON'T: Try to be too clever and end up looking like a stupid piece of shit. I'm assuming the guy on the left is trying to be Wilson from Home Improvement. Unfortunately he forgot that chicks don't watch Home Improvement, chicks aren't impressed when you wear stupid shit, and chicks would never consider going down on a guy who stands with his arms hanging down like an ape. Imagine him trying to make a move on the football chick all drunk and awkward. Just awful.

DO: Wear robes that can pass for just about any religious figure or old Roman figure. The sweet honey babies you see with this man are all enamored with him. One sees him as being Jesus, another sees him as Caligula. It doesn't matter to them. He's already 10 steps ahead of Wilson over there.

All you geeks out there, take notes. Yeah I'm talking to you you fucking dork, cruising around Blogger looking for a new string of commentaries that fits your anemic view of life. I'm trying to help you. This Halloween is your chance - put down the Playstation controller and go buy some gorgeous flowing robes.

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