Monday, May 15, 2006
This Milk Tastes Like Shit
After I work out I always enjoys a big tall glass of foamy whole milk to rejuvinate my muscles. The only problem is that after I get all hot and sweaty exercising, the cold milk hurts my teeth so much that it really takes a lot of the pleasure out of consuming it. I thought I had found a way around that by letting the milk sit out while I'm at the gym so it's more lukewarm instead of icy cold, but the milk tasted pretty sour after a few days of that. I put on my thinking cap and sure enough I came up with the perfect plan; I would put the cold milk through the coffee maker (without grinds of course, lol) and in that manner I would have a nice steaming cup of milk to enjoy each day! I came home the day after I dreamed up this ingenious plan and fired up Mr. Coffee, already pre-loaded with three cups of Darigold Whole Milk, my personal favorite. About ten minutes later I found a nice white brew bubbling in the pot, ready to drink. I poured myself a generous helping and took that first sip. What happened next can only be described as an extreme event in my life. I regurgitated the hot milk all over the naked, waiting breasts of my roommate's girlfriend, Heather. Her massive love globes were immediately scorched a bright red like a naughty, spanked little bottom. I apologized and she accepted, but things have been awkward between us ever since. Now I just drink the cold milk really, really slow. The way I like sex.