Wednesday, May 10, 2006
John Travolta Is A Fat Fuck Loser
John Travolta has struggled with his weight and the length of his trousers since his first big hit with Saturday Night Fever. Unfortunately for Danny Zuko, all that plumping up has only helped him garner one pointless the role as a fat, chain-smoking angel in Micheal. With a scruffy three day beard and a beer gut he charmed his way into the pants of quite a few women in that movie, but mostly he just looked fat and stupid. Now that he has completely destroyed his career with horrific films like Swordfish, Faceoff, Battlefield Earth, and Be Cool, he has turned his attention towards a second career as an airline pilot and scientology minister. Flying around in a really huge bomber jacket and tight jeans Travolta has effectively trotted the globe without breaking a sweat, spreading the gospel of Hubbard. As always he was overdressed for the occasion when he wowed a group of Zulu natives with his own interpretation of their fertility dance. With tight bluejeans barely brushing the tops of his stylishly untied White Hunter boots, Travolta was hard pressed to lift his knees to a right angle, let alone pull out any real dance moves. Nevertheless, the crowd loved it and even pretended to listen to his strange stories about aliens, body thetans and membership fees. In the end, he boarded his huge jet and flew away after swearing to the Zulus that he would grow his hair out like it was in Swordfish for his next visit. "I'm a shitty actor!" He screamed from a small cockpit window as the plane began to taxi down the runway. "How did you fucks like my overacting in Face Off? Fuck you!"