Ted Danson Breathes Through His Hair

You heard it here first! This beauty has been sticking his big, stupid looking face all over TV for fucking years and no one ever noticed that his goddamn lungs are in his head. That might explain the massive forehead and elongated skull. But really, what is the story with Ted Danson anyway? He spends a decade playing the role of a studly bartender on Cheers. How is that even possible? Beats the shit out of me. Can you actually imaging being at a bar and someone like this is hanging out with his jacket collar popped and girls are just falling all over each other trying to get into his pants? How could anyone fail to notice that his forehead is so prominent his eyebrows almost touch his cheeks? Who in their right mind would think that sex with this guy would be something worth remembering? I can picture Ted Danson as being the first man to successfully play a comical serial rapist in a movie. His face alone would be worth an academy award. You doubt me? Just think of his eyes bulging out with lust and him yelling 'I'm Ted Fucking Danson!' over and over again into his victim's faces. I wish I had sheets with this fucking picture on it.